


Fragments

by medusa20



Category: The Big Bang Theory
Genre: Angst, F/M, Infidelity, Romance, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-27
Updated: 2012-06-29
Packaged: 2017-11-08 19:53:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medusa20/pseuds/medusa20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm continuing with "Broken" since it won't leave me alone. Much like Penny, I don't know where we'll end up but enjoy the journey at least. Summary: Things heat up in Texas</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Missy

**Author's Note:**

> There is also a fanmix for this fic as well,once again created by the matchless Trippy41

_**My sister and I, you know, were twins and you know how subtle are the links which bind two souls which are so closely allied.** _

_Sir Arthur Conan Doyle- The Speckled Band_

Texas is unbearably, inhumanly hot. Hell is real and Missy's been living in it her whole life. Her feet stick to the asphalt as she leaves Fuddrucker's. Good Lord! It's 10PM and as stifling as high noon.

She gets into her car and the sweat forms instantly. She runs a violet nail under the flap of the envelope that holds her paycheck. The amount never fails to disappoint and Missy never fails to chastise herself for not listening to Sheldon.

"Missy, your studies are important. Success in school is equivalent to success in life." He would lecture before she pummeled him into doing her homework. School was not high on Missy's list of priorities. However, there is an inherent intelligence in her. She manages a crew of high school students and, on more than one occasion, she has helped with homework much to everyone's surprise. Some of those kids take AP Calculus. Missy vaguely remembers _hearing_ about Calculus but why she can solve the problems escapes her.

"That there answer's wrong." She'll drawl, looking over her fry cook's shoulder then she reads the problem, prints out a row of signs and symbols that - voila!- result in the correct answer.

"Shit, Missy, how do you know all this?"

"My twin brother's a rocket scientist." She says smugly.

Missy thinks of Shelly as she drives to the small apartment she rents. When the first postcard came, blank but for the address in Sheldon's meticulous hand, she was relieved to know he was alive and called Momma to tell her to call off the wailing and Bible-thumping. Post cards were a good sign- meant he was healing. Once he started writing on them though, that's when the knot in Missy's chest would unfurl.

Missy considers being Sheldon's twin and the heartburn she's been suffering since he left.

"I just don't feel well, Momma." She had snapped at Mary after being scolded for not eating.

"Hokum!" Mary replied "You have the appetite of a goat. Why, you and Sheldon had the stomach flu once and you'd throw up then ask for a sandwich."

Missy snorted.

"You know what this is," Mary pointed a finger at her and cracked open a Dr. Pepper.

"Momma, he's not dead! It's not like I'm channelin' him or something."

"Melissa Leigh, you and your brother have an unbreakable bond. I always knew when you had a bad time of the month . Sheldon would walk around here moanin' about pains and wanting me to take him for one of those MRIs he loves so much."

"Upper GIs." Missy corrected.

"Whatever." Mary clearly felt Missy was giving her back talk. "The point is until Sheldon gets over this heartbreak, you better stock up on TUMS."

Missy parks her car and collects her mail. Another picturesque scene of Germany is tucked between the bills and supermarket fliers. This is number five- each one arriving on the exact same day as the month before. She flips it over- blank- and sighs.

She strolls into her kitchen and tacks the postcard onto the corkboard next to the previous four. She pulls a beer out of the fridge and stares at the pictures of The Rhine, Heidelberg, Neuschwanstein Castle, Ludwig Museum and The Twin Houses. Missy takes a long swallow of beer.

"Between the postcards and what I'm drinking," She says aloud, "It's like I'm right there with you, Shelly." She raises her beer to her absent sibling.

Three quick knocks on her aluminum door interrupt her thoughts. Missy frowns and peers through the peephole. It is the shock more than anything else that moves her to open the door.

"Thank God, you're finally home!" Penny declares as she enters Missy's house. "I thought I was going to die out there from the heat. Or pee my pants. Where's the bathroom?"

Missy silently points down the hall. Penny walks, still ranting through the closed door.

"I mean, does no one in Texas believe in air conditioning? I've never been so hot and then, sitting in your mother's house…"

"You saw Momma?" There is the sound of running water before Penny answers.

"Yes. Between the heat and her Bible quoting, I think I had one of those visions from the Book of Revelation."

Missy laughs silently but hides her mirth when Penny opens the bathroom door.

"Can I have one of those?" Penny indicates the beer in Missy's hand. Missy walks to the kitchen and takes another long-neck out before standing front of her postcard-adorned corkboard.

Penny takes a long drink, "Aren't you going to ask why I 'm here?"

"No. I suspect you'll be telling me real soon."Penny begins pulling a the label on the bottle. She doesn't meet Missy's eyes as she speaks.

"It's over. Leonard took back the ring." Missy raises her eyebrows. "Despite the poor eyesight, he sees a lot, you know?" Penny's tone is blunt. She pulls a long red and white strip of paper off her beer. "So here I am." She gives weak smile. Missy is staring at Penny with Sheldon's eyes and it unnerves the waitress so much, she begins shredding the strip of paper.

Missy shakes her head and steps out of her heels( an action that does not diminish her height in any way).

"You're a real piece of work, Penny." Missy's remains in front of those postcards though she wants to walk over to Penny and give her a whuppin' worthy of her father.

"What is it- you can't have one genius so you'll settle for the other? When that doesn't work, you'll just go back to the first one? Sheldon and Leonard aren't interchangeable!"

"I know!" Tears color Penny's words.

"I don't think you do." Missy's tone and head tilt are full Sheldon and Penny's tears start to flow. "You wanted them both," Missy points an accusing finger. "You couldn't choose so you made the only decision you could- the decision not to decide. After all, Sheldon? Leonard? They're nerds. Geek. Losers. They should be grateful you even _talk_ to them.!"

Penny is crying so hard she can only shake her head in denial. Missy waits to see if the blond will get herself under control.

"Missy, please," Penny's voice is raw. "I need to find Sheldon."

Why?"

"Why?" Penny's nose is running but there is no offer of tissues so she swipes at it with her arm.

"Is there an echo?" Missy glances around her small kitchen. "Why do you need Sheldon? You ain't in trouble are you?" It takes Penny a second to catch the other woman's meaning; she gives her head a violent shake.

"Then you need to leave him be, Penny."

"Missy, I never meant to hurt him. I had no idea he felt…"

"Don't you dare!" Missy slaps her palm on the table and Penny jumps, "Don't you dare sit in my kitchen and say you had no idea what my brother felt for you! Honestly, Penny, out of all of you in California, who knew him better than you? Did you think Sheldon got involved with you just to scratch an itch? The man went his whole life without any foolin' around and, believe me, I had plenty of girlfriends in high school who would have given their purity rings to break that colt."

Penny's mouth falls open. It isn't only Sheldon- the whole family is incomprehensible.

"I knew he had feelings for me." Penny admits.

"Feelins!" Missy shouts. "Feelins? He loved you, you stupid bitch. He's been in love with you since he met you."

Penny puts her head down on the table. Her heart just can't break anymore. There are only fragments left as it is. She lifts her head.

"Missy, look at me. Really look at me."

Missy turns her eyes to Penny. They are burning with anger but she does as Penny asks. Penny is thin. Her hair is more brown than blond. Her skin looks dry. Penny's eyes have circles under them and they are as flat as a chalkboard. Missy's mouth twitches. Penny is the picture of Sheldon the last time Missy saw him.

"What did Momma say to you?"

Penny is taken aback so she stutters her answer," Um…lots of things but…but before I left to come here, she told me to remember a Bible passage." Missy nods. Of course and she silently bets her paycheck she knows which one it is but she asks anyway.

"Which one?"

Penny wipes the tears from her cheeks and clears her throat.

"It was," She struggles to recall the words. "It was - "Ask and ye shall receive. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it shall be opened to thee.'"

Missy gives satisfied nod. Momma would tell Penny the only quote Sheldon liked since it was so direct. No hidden meanings. Just as applicable in the world of science. Momma's way of telling Missy to help Penny find what she sought. To let Shelly receive what he asked for.

"Shit." Missy murmurs.

Penny stare sat her with wide green eyes. Missy is thinking about her brother- alone, heartbroken in a place only Sheldon would see as a refuge. His exile brought on by the woman sitting at her table. A woman who only wants him as a fall back. She squares her shoulders.

"I can't help you."

Penny stands and Missy notes there is a change in the set of her mouth. The doe-eyed innocence replaced with a look of narrow calculation.

"Can't or won't?" Penny bites each word and nearly reels when Sheldon's twin echoes his reply from six months ago.

"Take your pick."


	2. Mary

 

__

**Your children are not your children.  
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.  
They come through you but not from you,  
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you**

____

__

Kahlil Gibran- The Prophet

__

 

__

 

Wednesdays are Missy's day off and time for a little mother-daughter bonding. It used to be Missy, Mary and Meemaw who would go out for breakfast, browse at the mall and finish up with grocery shopping at the Safeway. Missy and Mary kept up the ritual even after Meemaw had passed and Mary found that she could be more relaxed without the watchful eye of her mother around.

The two women slide into the booth at Denny's and smile as the hostess hands them menus.

"What do you feel like having?" Mary asks. Missy unconsciously rubs at the spot just below her sternum. The action earns her a pointed look from Mary which Missy ignores.

"I think I'll just have a scrambled egg and some toast. No coffee."

Mary raises her eyebrows; Missy usually devours a Grand Slam on these outings. Shelly is clearly not doing well.

"Where do you want to go after breakfast, Momma?" Missy is hiding behind her menu.

"Melissa Leigh, put down that menu." Mary crosses her arms- time for a little "come to Jesus" meeting. Just as Mary opens her mouth, the waiter arrives, sparing Missy any further interrogations. For now. The waiter is a handsome young man with a star tattoo on the underside of his arm.

"May I take your order?" He gives Missy a wink. She moistens her lips slowly with her tongue before ordering her sparse breakfast. Mary orders a Belgian waffle.

"What happened the other night?" Mary asks once the waiter is out of earshot.

"You'll have to be more specific." Missy throws back Prevacid and water.

Mary rolls her eyes, "I sent Penny to you so you would tell her where your brother is since you won't even tell me. Did you do as I asked?"

"Oh, Momma," Missy plays with her napkin. "I haven't done as you asked since I was twelve."

"You…You didn't help her. After I made her learn Matthew Chapter 7 verse 7?" Mary is stunned and Missy 's face is serene as she answers, "No."

Mary slaps a hand to her forehead. Sweet sufferin' Jesus, what did she ever do to deserve children such as these? One is so violent, he's a borderline criminal, another an atheist and a heretic and now this. Daughters were supposed to be a comfort to a mother. Missy was driving her to an early grave.

"I cannot believe you , Missy. I cannot believe you would defy me so brazenly as well as deny Sheldon any chance of happiness."

"Happiness!" Missy exclaims then clamps her lips shut as their order is placed in front of them.

"Can I get you anything else?" The waiter casts a sidelong glance at Missy.

"No thank you, young man." Mary's tone is sharp. She wants him to leave. Immediately.

"You don't know what you're talkin' about." Missy takes a savage bite of toast.

"You can't run interference for him his whole life." Mary saws into her waffle.

"Momma, " The toast is flung back onto the plate. "Are you telling me you actually want Shelly to be with Penny? After what she done to him?"

Mary chews calmly in the face of Missy's anger. Years of marriage to George coupled with Sheldon's never-ending tantrums have made her impervious to rage.

"Melissa Leigh, your problem is you think you know what is best for Sheldon." Mary places her utensils down.

"In this case, I do." Missy shouts, ignoring her mother's admonition to lower her voice and watch her tone. "Momma, you seem to be under the impression that Penny and Sheldon were involved in some harmless flirting that was misunderstood."

"All I know is that girl was in my living room the other night crying her heart out." Mary dabs at her lips.

"Well, she _is_ an actress." Missy interjects.

"I am also not so naïve as to think all this fussin' is over a few stolen kisses."

"Momma, she was two-timin' Leonard. With Sheldon. Is this the kind of woman you want Shelly involved with?"

Mary waits before she answers. While she is not happy about Sheldon's descent into sin and harbors no doubt that Penny led the way, she is also aware that this is the most fully alive Sheldon has ever been despite his current suffering. Penny moves her son in a way that nothing else has- not even that physics hocus-pocus he's been obsessed with since he could talk.

"Judge not lest ye be judged." Mary pops apiece of waffle in her mouth.

"Am I not my brother's keeper?" Missy shoots back.

"It amazes me how you can remember your Bible when it suits you." Mary is scornful.

"And I'm amazed that you'd want to hurt Sheldon even more by wanting Penny to find him."

"Don't!" Mary's face flushes with anger. She takes a large gulp of water. "Don't you _ever_ accuse me of not loving that boy! I carried the two of you through nine months of agony. I couldn't drive, wear shoes. Sleep! Then I spent endless nights dealing with his cryin' **I** was the one who realized he was special- your father wanted him sent away. **I** was the one who counseled him, wiped his tears when he used to care about not being included. I would pray that he would find acceptance…"

"And what did I do, Momma? Nothing? Who got suspended for beating up the bullies? Who kept away the kids who pretended to be his friend just so he'd do their schoolwork? Who chased away the girls who would've taken every advantage of his cluelessness?" Missy levels her gaze at her mother, "Who distracted Daddy?"

Mary drums her fingers on the linoleum table top. Both women have barely touched their meals. The waiter has the good sense to keep away.

"I think we can agree we've always had Sheldon's best interests at heart." Mary concedes.

"Until now." Missy can't resist.

"Until now." Her mother agrees. They sit in silence, listening to the sounds of metal on crockery and the sizzle of eggs.

"Shelly needs to heal, Momma. He needs to get back to himself again."

"That is the worst thing that can happen!" Mary explodes. "Missy, think back to what Sheldon was like before Leonard. Before Penny. Can you honestly say that was the best he could be?" Mary thinks of Sheldon in her kitchen. Shoulders curved, head down, eyes avoiding all interaction with others. She remembers all his "habits" and hands so chapped that the skin split the second you looked at it.

Missy thinks back to a brother who wouldn't make eye contact. Sheldon used to walk as if he was trying to fold over on himself. He had no friends, no social life. Only science.

But science never hurt him.

"I'd rather see him like that than to ever see that dead look in his eyes again." She tells her mother.

Mary throws her napkin over her plate, "Yeah, well, you always were as dumb as soup."

XXXX

Her day with Missy remains strained until the very end. They sit in front of Mary's house and Mary tries one more time.

"Missy, have you ever been in love?"

"Momma…" Her daughter turns to gaze out the car window.

"I asked you a question and I expect a truthful answer." Missy pulls at some frayed thread on the knee of her jeans. She thought she'd been in love. She's certainly been in _heat_ before.

"No." Her normally brash voice is quiet. "I guess Sheldon is the only man I think deserves my love." She gives Mary a half smile.

"Well, you could do worse," Mary pats Missy 's knee. "See, baby, your brother _is_ in love with all its joy and its pain. He probably didn't want it and, Lord knows, he wasn't lookin' for it…'

"But Momma, she…"

"Hush! Let me speak. It is just as hard for me to think of my sweet baby as a grown man but that is what he is." Mary moves to take Missy's hand. "He is a grown man who is running away from his problems. Shelly is running just like your father did and your brother does. His way may be different but it is just as destructive. Now, I'm not sayin' seeing Penny will solve this mess but I can't imagine it getting any worse."

"You really think she loves him? How can you be so sure when she was so ready to marry another man?" Missy's eyes are wet.

"I'm not but I will tell you what I do know," Mary lifts Missy's face to hers. "No woman would let her roots show like that if she wasn't hurtin' something fierce."

They cackle with laughter for several minutes before Missy takes out her phone.

"What are you doing?" Mary asks innocently.

"I'm texting Penny. I'll tell her what I know- Sheldon's in Germany."


	3. Sheldon

**_For even as Love crowns you so shall he crucify you_ **

_Kahlil Gibran- The Prophet_

The postcard is blank in his hands. It's empty white surface a mockery so unlike a clean whiteboard which glows with potential.. The only ink on the card is his sister's address in his meticulous Palmer method script. He really should write a few lines. What can he say? Germany is beautiful? That's the point of the photo on the front, rendering such a comment redundant. He positions the pen to write but the urge flees. He could write, "Wish you were here." but that would be a lie. He doesn't even wish _he_ was here. He could tell her how well his courses are going. He finds he enjoys teaching here more than he did back home (where is home, anyway?) The students are sincere, focused and driven. It surprises even him that he is dubbed "popular" among the student body. He could tell Missy that- she'd think it a hoot and a half. For the first time in his life, Sheldon Lee Cooper is one of the cool kids. In the end, he stamps the card and drops it in the post before heading back to his apartment.

That was the sixth postcard he has sent in his seven month exile. The first month was a blur of activity- re-establishing himself at the University of Heidelberg ( a place he hadn't seen since he was fifteen), brushing up his German ( like riding a bicycle, really) and finding a place to live. Once all that was accomplished, he began teaching and so his days were full.

It is the nights that kill him.

Sheldon has not slept well since he landed in Germany. He drinks warm milk by the gallon, to no avail. Each night he follows the same routine in the hope this time it will bring him the peace of sleep. After dinner, he takes a very warm almost hot shower. He then dons the day's allotted pajamas, drinks his warm mug of milk and retires for the night. Sleep comes easily but it brings dreams.

One night, he woke drenched with sweat. He immediately suspected a fever until he realized he had been dreaming. Dreaming about the easy slide and subsequent tilt of Penny's hips as he held her up against the door of his apartment. His heart was pounding as if he had just finished the act seconds ago and he swore the air in his room reeked of sex.

Another night he woke suddenly with the taste of her on his lips. It was the first time in his life he ever cursed his eidetic memory for once the sleep cleared his brain, he recalled with perfect clarity Penny reclined on his sofa, Leonard asleep down the hall. Powdered sugar from the doughnut he just ate lingering on his palate and the sunshine of that Sunday morning warming the back of his neck as his tongue curled within her sugar -sweet. Penny's leg sliding down his back when he added a finger. He brought her to orgasm just as he heard Leonard's door opening which muffled Penny's soft gasp. They were composed when his roommate appeared but Sheldon, half- crazed with lust, kept his eyes on the crossword lest they betray him.

Time has not lessened the dreams nor weakened their detail. He woke recently with the sheets locked in his grip thinking it was her hair. They had gone to pick up dinner when Penny suddenly swerved the car into an alleyway. She was on him before he could react. Their kisses were frantic, flying, punctuated by little snarls as their tongues stroked and probed. She kissed down the side of his neck. Aggressive. Demanding.

"Easy , Penny. No marks." He cautioned. That only spurred her on.

"God, Sheldon, it's like I want to devour you. Get you inside so we'll never be apart." He had no idea what she meant then she grabbed the collars of both shirts and bit down on the soft skin beneath. His instinct was to shove her off; it was clear she'd broken skin but the longer she stayed, the more languorous it became. His hands were enmeshed in her hair, their hips slowly rolled into each other. She raised her head and they kissed deep and soft and slow until both their phones rang. Leonard on hers, pointing out that a Chinese food run really does not take 45 minutes, Howard on his, demanding to know where the frak dinner was. The hickey she left was nauseatingly black and maroon. Still, he missed it when it was gone.

Sheldon reaches his apartment still thinking about his sleepless nights. Last night, he called out her name. At their most daring, he and Penny had spent entire nights in each other's beds. Early dawn would send them back to their proper places. Sometimes, sleep was the last thing either of them wanted as Penny would take him in her mouth. Run her tongue up and around and he couldn't cry out his need since Leonard was down the hall. In her bed, she would moan his name as his tongue teased each nipple.

"You're right, Penny," He would pull the soft flesh between his teeth. "This doesn't feel like an arm at all." Laughter and desire would shake them both.

Most times, they would lay facing each other. Quiet. Talking softly about their day or growing up "country" or topics that only made sense to them, such as which type of fabric softener to use next week or would it really be so terrible to live by the ocean?

"I can name twelve different types of blue in your eyes." Penny boasted as they lay on their stomachs looking at each other.

"Eye color is actually comprised of three main elements within the iris: the melanin content of the iris pigment epithelium, the melanin content within the iris stroma, and the cellular density of the iris stroma…"

Penny put a finger to his lips and stared deeply at him, "Sapphire, cobalt, turquoise, indigo, cornflower…" He fell asleep to the cadence before he could tell her he loved her.

Once inside his new home, he sits at his computer and logs on. Minutes later, Beverly Hofstadter's face is on his screen.

"Hello, Beverly."

"Hello, Sheldon."

"How is your research going?" Sheldon leans his chin on his hand as Beverly talks about the MRIs of men before and after viewing masochistic pornography.

"The journal article you forwarded had some valuable sources in the bibliography." She tells him; her eyes watch him intently. There are circles under his eyes and, despite her talk of research, Sheldon is listless.

"Sheldon, how are you?"

"I am doing well. My classes are filled to capacity. I have a satisfactory apartment and all my needs are within walking distance."

Beverly nods but her face is a mask of disbelief replaced by shock when Sheldon suddenly asks, "How's Leonard?"

When the physicist contacted her six months ago, they did not discuss what brought him to Germany, Leonard or Penny. Sheldon only asked that she not reveal where he was or how to contact him.

"He's doing well." She replies. "It took some time but there is a definite improvement in his character. A new assertiveness, if you will." Sheldon's mouth twists; he runs a hand down his face.

"Marriage suits him then?" His voice is laced with bitterness.

"Marriage?" Beverly exclaims. "Are you saying you don't know?" Sheldon stares at the computer screen at a complete loss.

"Oh my." Beverly chuckles. "This is unexpected to say the least. You are in contact with no one from Pasadena?"

"No. I send postcards to my sister but all my numbers have been changed as well as email addresses. I am no longer on Twitter or Facebook.

Beverly adjusts her glasses. Time to rip off the band-aid. If Leonard could recover from this, so could Sheldon and the locus of Leonard's identity was completely external.

"Sheldon, Leonard is not married. He took back the ring and ended his relationship with Penny shortly after you left. He stayed with his sister for awhile but he is now back in Pasadena. I believe he's even gone on a date or two."

Sheldon says nothing. His stomach has completely vacated the premises and he's certain he is suffering from some mild form of aphasia brought on by shock.

"Sheldon?" Beverly leans into the screen.

"So their relationship has finally reached its inevitable ugly end?" The words are no more than a whisper. Beverly nods. "And Leonard initiated it?" If someone had told Sheldon he was the lead dancer in the Kirov ballet, he would have been less surprised.

"I am failing to understand your disbelief." Beverly says. "You've always maintained the relationship was bound to fail."

"Penny?" He blurts.

"I'm afraid I have no information there." She gives him a knowing smile. "Leonard won't speak of her."

"Did Leonard say why he called it off?" Sheldon shifts in his chair.

"That is a question best answered by Leonard himself though your being his roommate and Penny's best friend probably gives you more insight into the matter than anyone." She gives him a pointed look and Sheldon licks his lips and turns away. Clearly, she knows They bid each other goodbye.

Sheldon never slept better in his life.


	4. Leonard

**I would have you consider your judgment and your appetite even as you would two loved guests in your house .**

**You would not honour one guest above the other; for he who is more mindful of one loses the love and the faith of both**

_Kahlil Gibran- The Prophet_

 

 

Leonard opens his apartment door, dropping the keys in the bowl. He looks up and all the mail in his hands falls to the floor.

"Sheldon!"

His absent roommate of nearly nine months is sitting in his Spot with a cup of tea as if Leonard had only just left him there.

"Wh…what are you doing here?" Leonard cries.

"My name is still on the lease, Leonard. Technically, I still have access rights."

"No.. I mean, " Leonard sits on the opposite end of the couch. There is a strange feeling in his stomach like when he eats soy cheese. He isn't sure but he just might be happy to see Sheldon.

"Of course you can be here." Leonard resumes. "But where have you been? Why are you back? Is this permanent?"

Sheldon places down his mug, " I am back because I have a few loose ends at the University to tie up. Also, my belongings need to be shipped either to my current residence or to Texas." "So this is just a visit?" Leonard's voice drops.

"I believe that is in everybody's best interest." Sheldon replies. "You look well."

"Thanks. I've been working out. I'm up to eight pound weights.

"Impressive." Sheldon takes another sip of tea. " I read your recent publication in _Scientific America_. Kudos on presenting non-derivative research."

Leonard mumbles a thanks but he is intently focused on pulling the cuff of his sweatshirt. "Sheldon, why are you really here?"

Now Sheldon begins to fidget, "I told you…"

"Yeah, yeah 'loose ends'". Leonard marks the air with quotes.

"I heard what happened." Sheldon admits. Leonard bobs his head. Now, it makes sense.

"And you thought seeing you would make me feel better?" He gives Sheldon a baleful look.

"Heavens, no!" Sheldon exclaims. "If anything, it would only serve as a catalyst for a set back."

"Then why come?" Both cuffs have been pulled over his hands.

"There are matters to settle here. I do have belongings that are necessary for my continued comfort and social norms indicate that I should apologize."

"Should apologize!" Leonard rolls his eyes heavenward. " _Should_ apologize!"

"Yes." Sheldon blinks. "Why do you keep repeating everything say?"

Leonard bounds up from the couch and begins pacing and muttering.

"Leonard…"

"Sheldon, I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that after all this time, you still think you did nothing wrong!"

Sheldon also stands, "That is not true. However, I am also not full culpable. It is safe to say another bears some responsibility of events past."

Leonard glares up at him, "This conversation will go more smoothly if you don't mention…" His tone is deadly and Sheldon sees what Beverly meant about his new-found assertiveness.

"I have no intention of doing so." Sheldon cuts him off. "I was referring to you."

"Me! Me?" Oh that's rich! Me!" Leonard falls into the arm chair.

"You know, Leonard, I do believe echoing another's statements is an indication of physical or mental illness. Perhaps you have developed echolalia or your heartbreak has caused you to become unhinged."

Leonard wishes he had worked harder at weight training so he could throw the 160 pound physicist out the window and claim it as a suicide. He drops his head in his hands and he just knows, _knows_ Sheldon is standing over him with crossed arms and tilted head _._

"Let me ask you something- we were roommates and friends for seven years. What changed?" When he looks up, Sheldon is standing just as he pictured. Sheldon says nothing just opens his eyes wider, raises his eyebrows and tilts his head more.

"Riiight," Leonard says as he realizes the obvious answer to his question. There had been only one major change and Sheldon had certainly warned him.

"So, explain to me how this is my fault." He waves a hand at Sheldon.

"You should take comfort in the fact that it is not entirely your fault though I would say you bear a substantial portion of blame." This is Sheldon trying to be comforting and it is no wonder he avoids it at all costs.

"Yeah, Sheldon, I'm not seeing it. Give me a little more. How am I to blame for my roommate and my girlfriend screwing around behind my back?" Leonard jumps up from the chair and a sharp poke lands in the center of Sheldon's exploding computer logo.

The tall man staggers back before snapping, "Because you knew!"

Leonard's mouth falls open. He's insane. Sheldon has completely gone around the bend.

"Don't give me that hangdog look!" Sheldon snarls "And close yer mouth, you look like yer catchin' flies!"

"You just accused me of knowing about your affair, I'm sorry if I'm not taking it well." Leonard retorts.

"I ain't…, " Sheldon stops, clears his throat and tries again. "I'm not accusing you of knowing what happened nine months ago, " His voice is still coming out thick and syrupy, " I am accusing you of ignoring what was in front of you. She was this ideal you had to have and you wouldn't acknowledge her Achilles' heel. It is what makes you a great friend but a lousy boyfriend."

"So, now you are an expert on relationships?" Leonard is sweating with rage. This is so like Sheldon to cast the blame on someone else for how could Homo Novus ever be in the wrong?

"No. I make no claims of expertise in this area. Nevertheless, I was not disillusioned. I knew what the weakness was the day we met her."

Leonard lets out a heavy sigh- he was having such a good day until he came home. "Okay, Sheldon, I'll bite. What's her weakness?"

Sheldon shrugs his shoulders and carries his mug to the sink. He places it in there before turning to Leonard.

"Me."

Leonard bites his lower lip and nods thoughtfully. Counting backwards from fifty before he asks, "When are you leaving?"

Sheldon's tight smile appears, "Monday after I am though at the university."

Leonard nods; it's Saturday- he can deal for a day and a half.

"I'm meeting Howard and Raj in an hour." Sheldon is well aware it is not an invitation.

Leonard changes his clothes and leaves. He can hear Sheldon packing boxes and shuffling papers when he walks by the door.

He returns to 4A on Monday in time to drive the physicist to Caltech.


	5. Penny

**When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that, in truth, you are weeping for that which has been your delight.**

_Kahlil Gibran- The Prophet_

 

 

 

When Penny returns from Galveston, she opens her door, throws down her bags and crawls into bed. Missy's animosity still sounds in her ears With every word Missy shouted, Penny heard Sheldon's quiet undertones reiterating his twin's accusations. It was the argument she and Sheldon would have had if he hadn't taken off. Penny hugs her pillow tighter; her sobs are dry and rasping. Six months. Her life has been spiraling downward for six months. Penny had tried finding Sheldon on her own- she knew in her gut he had initially gone to Texas but , after that, it was anyone's guess. All her emails had bounced back- Sheldon closed the account. His cell phone number- disconnected. Twitter and Facebook accounts- closed. Going to Galveston, facing Missy( particularly after their last phone conversation) had taken more nerve than Penny thought she had( Really? This from the woman who let another man get her off while her boyfriend slept down the hall? Yeah, Penny, that was _you_.) and did she accomplish anything? No. Just got her ass handed to her by a woman who was as protective of her twin as a nesting rattlesnake.

"Oh, Sheldon. I'm sorry." Penny says to the dark. A single tear rolls down the bridge of her nose, surprising her. She didn't think she had any left.

The sun strokes her eyes awake. Penny has a much better view from this apartment. Her bedroom has a window and, if she stands in just the right spot, tilts her head up and to the left, she can see a six inch sliver of ocean. Moving didn't come as a complete surprise; neither she or Leonard would ever completely heal living across the hall from each other. Laundry would never get done since every machine bore the memories of Sheldon pressing against her, bending her back until her stomach muscles screamed with tension. She left when Leonard was visiting his sister- a fact she learned when she ran into Howard exiting 4A.

"Penny." Howard, for once, was taller since he was on the landing and she a step below.

"Hello, Howard." She was tired. One arm was still sticky from raspberry sauce despite her washing it three times. Howard's eyes skipped nervously around.

"We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Penny generously gave him an out.

" _Oh, thank God_!" He sighed. "I was just dropping of Leonard's mail and wondering what I would say if I _did_ run into you, which I did. He's in Connecticut. At his sister's. He needed to get out of town." Howard gestured toward her. "I'm sure you know why. I don't know when he'll be back."

"Nice talking to you, Howard." Penny pushed past him before his nervous chatter brought on the sobs. She lasted three days before the emptiness across the hall motivated her to move. Both of them - gone. Driven away by her. As she packed up her kitchen, she wondered if Sheldon was psychic in addition to being brilliant when he had warned Leonard not to talk to her.

She doesn't know anyone in her new place. Has no idea who lives across the hall. If it's a man, a woman or a family of cats leaping from drape to drape. Penny drinks her coffee (she always manages to have milk now) and takes in the quiet. There is no Rock Band. No robots sawing through doors. No cries of "Kites, ho!" and her door never _ever_ reverberates with nine knocks and three Pennys.

She exaggerates her exhale and surveys her apartment. Mail, comprised of bills, Glamour magazine, a bank statement decimated by the flight to Galveston and back offset by a notice that her rent will increase next month, lays scattered on the counter. Out of habit more than expectation, she picks up her phone and checks her messages. There are no voicemails but there is one text message. The coffee falls to the floor when she sees the message left by Missy on the day Penny was flying home from Texas.

_Shelly's in Germany. Don't contact me again._

Penny looks out her kitchen window. Whatever it costs to fly to Germany, she doesn't have it. She has to go back to the Cheesecake Factory today- a "funeral" only lasts so long. Her fingers drum on the countertop. Missy isn't giving her much to work with here. For all Penny knows, Sheldon could be herding goats and yodeling in the mountains.

The clock tells her it is 9AM. She doesn't have to be at work until 5. She has to start somewhere.

XXXX

Penny walks the halls of Caltech. Her knees are shaking. She walks among the professors and students and stops one to ask for directions. Her palms are starting to sweat. She can't believe she is doing this but she has no where else to turn. Ironically, the one person who would help her, give her whatever she asked for without the slightest hesitation is the one person she can't find. She knocks quickly on the door.

"Come in."

Penny walks in to see Raj for the first time in six months. He's still in Sheldon's office and there is whiteboard with the physicist's writing on it just inside the door. Penny fights a mad urge to snatch the board and race back to her apartment with it just to have something, anything really, that was so completely Sheldon. She realizes Raj is staring at her.

"Bet I was the last person you ever expected to see here." She smiles warmly. Raj holds up one finger to her then walks quickly out of the room. He returns a few minutes later.

"Sorry." Penny apologizes. "I forgot about the nervous bladder." Raj 's shoulders give a gentle shrug. "So, I guess I should tell you why I'm here." Raj gestures for her to sit in the chair facing the desk. Sheldon's desk.

Penny sits and her eyes skip around the room. It's all science and impersonal, not that she expected anything different. Raj sits across from her and waits with his hands folded.

"How've you been?" She begins; he nods then looks at her.

"Oh, me? I've been…I've been…" Her lip is beginning to tremble. Dammit. Penny takes in a big gulp of air. "I've been awful, Raj. Horrible actually. That's why I'm here."

Raj turns to the board behind him and writes, _I don't know where he is._

"I know you don't but, see, the thing is- I do. Kinda."

Raj writes a question mark.

"I'll explain in a minute but I have to get past this first.," She doesn't take a breath, just keeps talking otherwise she'll lose her nerve and then she won't be able to find Sheldon which means she'll lose her mind. "I need money. I can find him but I don't have the money to go where he is."

Raj's normally soft brown eyes harden. He frowns deeply and leans back away from her.

"I'll pay you back." Penny pleads. "With interest. You gotta help me. Please."

_I don't care about the money_ , he writes.

"Well, then, what's with the face?" Penny draws her brows together. Raj taps his palms against the desk before he writes once more.

_I don't think it would be in anyone's best interest for you to find Sheldon_.

"Best interests!" Penny yells. "What about my best interests?"

Raj raises an eyebrow, _Isn't that what got you into this mess in the first place?_

Penny runs her tongue over her teeth, "Okay. Point." She's not ready to give up yet. She knows she can convince Raj- the man borrowed her _Twilight_ series and never returned it.

"Raj, I've been trying to find Sheldon for six months. I finally got my first lead from Missy,"

His eyebrows shoot up once more.

"I know," Penny lets out a hysterical laugh. She is damn near hysterical because if this plan doesn't work…well, let's not think about that. "Go figure." Penny shrugs then her expression changes, softens.

"I don't have to tell you how complicated everything got and, I don't know what Leonard told you, but I'd like you to hear my side. The night before Leonard took back the ring, I was in their apartment making a list of all the reasons why I should love Leonard. It was a good list because," a sob cuts off her words for a minute, "Leonard is a great guy and he'll be a good husband someday." They share a smile and Penny presses on.

"Then I tried to make a list for Sheldon," She jumps when Raj lets out a huff. "Crazy, right? There isn't enough paper to list all the reasons why not." She pauses. "I didn't write down anything. I couldn't write down anything because, in that moment, I realized there was only one reason why he'd be perfect for me."

Raj stares at her expectantly but Penny isn't ready yet.

"Things with me and Sheldon were always a struggle, you know. Who was the one who would earn the spot of VIP in our little circle especially with Leonard. You know we fought and argued and needled each other to no end. Fought our feelings, really. I understand why now. I think we both knew, if we gave into how we felt, we'd be like those supernovas- blocking out everything and creating big black holes. I mean, look at everything that's happened." She spreads her arms. "Raj, I don't know if he'll forgive me or even see me but I have to tell him. Even if it comes to nothing, he has to know." She takes a careless swipe at her nose; Raj suddenly bends to tie his shoe but Penny hears the sniff.

When he straightens up, he turns to opens a drawer. He takes out the small book and stars to write.

"I have to go to Germany." Penny blurts and Raj adds a few more zeroes before he tears off the check and hands it to her.

"Oh, Raj! Thank you. I promise I'll pay you back. I swear."

He waves her off and holds up one finger again. Penny's face grows serious.

"You have one condition?" She asks. He nods and turns to the board.

_Don't come back without him._

XXXX

There are signs that direct her to the Space Engineering lab. Howard is framed briefly in the small glass window. He is wearing safety goggles and studying a large piece of paper. Penny walks in.

"Hi Howard."

He looks up. The paper rolls shut with a snap.

"Penny?"

She know she looks different. Her hair is no longer blond; she doesn't have the money nor the inclination to maintain it. It is now a mixture of light brown and California sun. It makes her eyes the focus of her face

"It's me." She smiles .

"How long has it been?" Howard splutters.

'"About six months." Penny replies. "I've moved _."_

"Yeah, Leonard mentioned something about that." Penny expects her stomach to twist at the mention of that name but there is nothing. She guesses there never really was.

"Howard," Penny can't look directly at him. "This is going to seem right out of left field but you have all these 'friends' in special agencies and I need a favor."

Howard scratches his chin thoughtfully, " I don't know , Penny. Leonard and I are still friends. You and I…"

"Were once treasured acquaintances." Penny finishes but Howard's eyes narrow.

"So, that's what this is about."

"What?" Penny blinks.

"You're unbelievable, " Howard murmurs. "In all this time, not one thing has changed. You need something - go to the nerds. After all, we'll do anything for a pretty girl." Penny's throat closes. More venom.

"So you hate me?" She whispers.

"Pretty much." Howard snaps. "In one fell swoop, you destroyed a seven year friend ship, broke two hearts and caused one of the greatest minds to disappear off the earth. You think things are the same now with just the three of us? How can they be when there is a giant pink Sheldon-shaped elephant in the room all the time? Leonard's coping but barely especially after seeing Sheldon a few months ago."

Penny interrupts his diatribe by grabbing his arm, "He saw Sheldon!" When? For how long?"

"Not long." Howard pulls free. "He came back, resigned from Caltech, packed his stuff, argued with Leonard then flitted off to parts unknown."

Penny can't swallow past the lump in her throat. Sheldon had been in Pasadena. If she still lived in 4B, she may have seen him, may have been able to explain, may have convinced him to stay.

"That's why I'm here." Penny goes for broke. "I have to find him. I have the money now."

"Penny, doesn't the fact that Sheldon hasn't tried to contact you, tell you something?" Howard could always be so nasty. She bites her tongue. Howard doesn't know Sheldon. Hasn't seen him with his defenses down. Howard never held Sheldon's face in his hands, feeling the sweat slick his palms. Saw him tremble from a kiss or from looking in his eyes.

"Yeah. It tells me there is still a chance." She crosses her arms. Howard lets out a bitter laugh and spreads the rolled paper open.

"You're on a wild goose chase. Sheldon's managed to completely erase his electronic footprint. He wouldn't tell Leonard where he is now. Believe me, I've tried to find him and I know people who specialize in this."

"I know where he is." The pencil in Howard's hand snaps but he doesn't look up. "Missy texted me but she didn't give me specifics.

Howard bites his lip. He shouldn't help he. Leonard actually cried. For weeks. His curiosity gets the better of him.

"Where is he?"

Penny tries not to seem over-eager; her smile brightens considerable. "He's in Germany but, you know, that's a pretty big place. I don't even know where to start…why are you laughing?"

Howard's shoulders are shaking and he wipes his eyes. "Of course." he says to the air. "Why did we never think of that?" He looks at her and his eyes are cold. "I can't help you."

"No!" Penny shrieks. "No! You have to. I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do. Howard, please," She runs a hand through her darkened hair. "I am so sick of people treating me like a criminal. I'm not proud of what I did. I don't even know why it happened or how…"

"So why bother?" Howard sneers.

"Because I love him." The instant release at saying those words makes her swoon. "I love him and I would trade anything just so he could hear me say it." Her breath is ragged and coming in gasps. Howard stares at her.

"And yet you never landed some acting roles." He comments.

"Fuck you, Howard."

"Why not? Two down . Two to go." Penny heads for the door before she beats him to death with the wrench that is on the table near them. She yanks it open.

"You said it yourself, you know." Howard calls after her.

"What are you talking about?" She snarls. Her back is to him. The door is half open.

"You know where he is if you think about it. You're the one who called him a creature of habit."

Penny shakes her head in disgust before pulling the door wide. She whips toward the exit, pushing open the door to the outside. The sun bounces off windshields, stinging her eyes and making them water. Halfway to her car, it dawns on her what Howard meant.

Sheldon Cooper _is_ a creature of habit.

Penny stops walking. Sonofabitch! He's in Heidelberg.


	6. Heidelberg

**_When love beckons to you, follow him,t_** ** _hough his ways are hard_**

**_And when his wings enfold you yield to him,though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound_**

**_When he speaks to you believe in him,though his voice may shatter your dreams..._**

**_...And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course._**

_Kahlil Gibran- The Prophet_

 

 

Spring begins this way.

No postcard this month. Shelly's like Old Faithful and so, when the usual date passes with no scene of the Alps or bratwurst, Missy begins to worry.

She thinks about how long she should wait before telling Momma. Not for the first time, does she wonder what Penny did with the information she sent her. The waitress takes orders well- she didn't contact Missy again. Missy fears nothing good came of it since her twin has gone silent again and her heartburn hasn't abated. She curses her sentimentality and herself for letting Momma play her like a fiddle.

There is nothing on TV to distract her and she is no mood to go to a bar. She could call Steve- he's always good for an uncomplicated roll in the hay; she did shave her legs this morning. Missy picks up her phone. The screen tells her there is an email. Missy doesn't own a computer. Her phone is her everything and Sheldon had helped outfit her with one so high-tech she's pretty sure she can control the Space Shuttle with it. Still, it didn't notify her when the message came in. She should have heard it- the TV isn't that loud and she's not deaf yet.

She opens the message and instantly smiles.

_Missy_

_Spring semester is ending. I shall spend the summer traveling- you need to see the other sights of Europe particularly the Hadron Collider._

_I hope you are well._

_Happy Birthday,_

_Shelly_

No mention of Penny. Missy purses her lips. Perhaps that is a good thing. This email certainly is. She begins a long, involved reply to her brother. Any thoughts of calling Steve vanish completely.

XXXX

Mary Cooper opens her door and falls on her knees in front of the man standing there.

"Sheldon! Oh, Thank you, Jesus!"

"My name is Dermott, Ma'am." The puzzled delivery man says, the basket of flowers still in his hands. "Are you Mrs. Mary Cooper?"

Mary nods and gets to her feet. "Could you sign here?" Dermott shifts the basket to his other hand and offers a clipboard. Mary scribbles her name and takes the basket. It is filled with daisies and deep pink roses- two of her favorite flowers.

"You have a good day now, Ma'am." Dermott tugs the brim of his hat.

"Oh, I will." Mary murmurs. "God bless you , young man."

"Just doin' my job." he replies before heading to his truck, shaking his head. These holy rollers are all the same.

Mary finally opens the card. Though the writing isn't his, she treasures it. It's a sign if she ever saw one.

_Dear Mom,_

_Happy Mother's Day_

_Love,_

_Sheldon_

XXXX

Penny sits at the back of the lecture hall. She is amazed that on the last day of classes, the room is this full. She remembers in high school, once it hit May, class size dwindled. This is college, though. The other thing that has her astounded is Sheldon. If it weren't for the atrocious plaid pants, she might doubt who it is.

He's been lecturing entirely in German so she has no idea what he is saying( her grand mother would be so disappointed.) but his body language clearly conveys his joy in what he is doing. Penny once told him he sucked at teaching but that is clearly not the case here. Sheldon draws diagrams, takes questions, even cracks a few jokes if the rise and fall of his voice and the laughter of the class are any indication.

She knows he's reached the end of his lecture when the students around her begin to pack up . He walks in front of the long table and leans against it. Penny notices he is smiling and she wonders if Raj was right. Is this in anyone's best interest? Sheldon speaks again and hearing his voice makes her heart twist. Speaking German makes his voice deeper and more sonorous.

"Es ist mein Vergnügen gewesen, Sie zu unterrichten. Genießen Sie den Sommer. Auf Wiedersehen"

Penny rise with the class. It is difficult walking against the flow of bodies and she is afraid Sheldon will be gone by the time she reaches him. The students brush past her and one actually knocks her into a row of seats.

"Clod!' She yells but he is gone. Penny is almost to the platform when she notices Sheldon is not alone.

XXXX

"Professor Cooper?"

Sheldon looks up from collecting his papers. "Yes, Ilsa. How can I help you?" He answers her in English. She is a grad student, quite bright actually, who often comes to his office hours where they chat so she can practice her English. He is surprised she came to this last lecture since the Masters candidates received their degrees yesterday.

Ilsa blushes, "I was wondering, " Her nerves cause her to lapse back into German, "Now that the semester is over, if you'd like to have coffee with me?"

Sheldon blinks in surprise. He tilts his head. She is nearly as tall as he with long , brown curly hair much like Leonard's. Her eyes are a mottled green- striated with brown. Not clear green. Emerald green. For a fleeting second, Sheldon wants to know what it would be like to twirl one of those curls around his index finger. Ilsa gives him a slow smile. He wonders but doesn't care enough to find out.

"Ask me again in September." He replies. Her expression is uncertain but she nods anyway.

"Good bye, Professor. Enjoy your summer." Sheldon watches her disappear through the double doors to his right. He closes his messenger bag and slings it across his chest. But, the lecture hall isn't empty. Not yet.

XXXX

She wants to throw herself into his arms. To have him this close after looking for so long seems completely surreal. She hears him tell the brunette to ask him again in September. Penny frowns when Sheldon watches the girl walk away, just the faintest raise to his eyebrow. She frowns until he notices her and then, a smile she didn't think she possessed anymore breaks across her face.

"Hi." She says.

"Hello." He greets.

"You're not easy to find." She tells him.

"I suppose my sister had something to do with this." He adjusts the strap on his bag. All Penny's joy at seeing him is replaced by dismay. This went differently in her mind. They should be kissing passionately by now not re-enacting the first time they met. She steps closer to him.

"I've moved." She offers a slip of paper with her new address. Sheldon gives it the briefest glance but doesn't take it.

"I won't need it." His voice is cold.

"What if you want to visit?" Penny is trying. Oh, she is trying but this is Galveston all over again. Sheldon moves but she blocks his way.

"If I do return stateside, it is highly unlikely I will go to California."

"Sheldon…"

"Don't 'Sheldon' me. No one asked you to come here."Penny presses her lips together. She didn't fly fifteen hours on a plane, not mention borrow money, suffer humiliation at the hands of Wolowitz and Missy and an attempted religious conversion to have him dismiss her so easily.

"I think I deserve to have you listen to me." Penny snaps.

"And I deserved to be treated as more than a plaything." Sheldon retorts. "You took advantage of our friendship and used me most shamelessly."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Penny fumes. "I guess I fucked myself against your apartment door!"

Sheldon looks down at his feet. Penny takes the moment to catch her breath. This is going terribly, terribly wrong. "Sheldon, I came here to give you the explanation you never got to hear."

Sheldon stands up to his full height, "There is nothing you can say that would ever justify your acceptance of Leonard's proposal. How many times did I tell you to end it with him? Because you know I can give you the exact number."

"Sheldon, it's not that simple. Leonard was always telling me he loved me. I had no idea how you felt…"

"No idea!" he roars. "No idea! How can you possibly question how I feel about you when I went against every moral, social and physical rule I set up for myself. Not only that, but I betrayed my closest friend of seven years for you. Good Lord Penny! What more do you need? Blood?"

"You said 'feel.' She pounces on the word like a terrier on a rat.

"We're done here." Sheldon pushes past her. Penny grabs his hand to stop him.

"I love you , Sheldon." She says though he hasn't turned to look at her. "You need to know that. I've spent the last six months looking for you so I could tell you that. I am sorry for all the pain I have caused you and Leonard. I want you to come home. I want us to be together. Sheldon, " She tugs on his hand until he turns to face her. "Did you hear me? I said I love you."

The physicist pulls free of her grip. "I don't care." He hits the light switch on his way out, leaving her in the darkness.

XXXX

Somehow, Penny makes it back home. This time, she does not allow herself two days in bed. She goes to work, to auditions. She jogs in the park.

By June, she's cut off the last of her blond ends and is left with a head of streaked brown that brushes her shoulders. She's made two payments to Raj though she refused to see him when he knocked on her door. She figures she hasn't cried because she's empty. She feels nothing. Just a star collapsing on itself.

Despite her lack of peroxide and affect or, perhaps, because of it, Penny gets a commercial. It's for a depression medication and it takes little to no effort at all to talk about feeling hopeless, disinterested and adrift. At least the money helps her pay off Raj.

She is in her apartment, contemplating whether she should move again. Her commercial led to a few others and then a cosmetic company expressed interesting her eyes. Another national campaign with print and TV ads. Her agent worked out a hell of a deal. She could actually afford a full ocean view.

"Why would you want to live by the ocean?" Sheldon had scolded on one of the nights he stayed over. Penny was wrapped in one of his discarded Superman shirts (That she may have accidentally splashed bleach on to get) "The insurance. The corrosiveness of the salt air. The stench of low tide."

"The beauty. The power. The vastness. A reminder there is something bigger than you." Penny countered. "Isn't that how you feel about the universe?"

Sheldon traced her face, "Among other things." He murmured against her lips.

She shakes her head at the memory. How did she misinterpret that? She turns her attention to the real estate ads. On her laptop is an old spreadsheet Leonard once made to help her budget according to Sheldon's 46.9% allowance. If she follows it, could the apartment by the ocean become a house? She scrolls through ads thinking of a place with a window always open to the air. To look out at sea as mercurial as the eyes she dreams about each night. A place where she just might heal. She clicks open the spreadsheet then,

Knock! Knock! Knock

"Penny."

Knock! Knock! Knock

"Penny."

Knock! Knock! Knock

"Penny."

_Fin_


End file.
